It was the last day of the school Christmas holidays. It was 6.30am and I was awake.....but the children were not. Knowing that they were still snoozing I snuggled down into my duvet thinking of all the things we could do today before reality kicked in and the school run reared its ugly head. We could cook, paint, ride bikes, play games...I had another hour sleep before Darcie Doodlebug decided to let me know she was awake and ready to play. I went in to find her standing up in her cot and grinning from ear arms flailing, desperate to escape the confines of her little bed. I grabbed her bottle and took her back to my room where we snuggled up and I told her all about the fun stuff we could do once her (still snoring) brother woke up...I had everything planned; she had other ideas...
7.30am – snuggles in bed
7.40am – Guzzle guts drains her bottle in a record breaking 30 seconds
7.41am – Madame burcoughs (that’s a combined burp and cough) and I get a face full of vomit.
7.42am – I get a lap full of vomit.
7.44am – I attempt to get my t shirt off as the smell of milky sick is making me want to throw up myself.
7.46am – Lewis comes in to see what all the commotion is about. He promptly turns round and shields his eyes screaming ‘Why haven’t you got any clothes on?!!!!’
The next ten minutes are spent putting clothes on so as not to traumatise my children further and stripping the bed whilst pulling lumps of what looks suspiciously like sweet potato and fishcake out of my hair.....
Scooping up the sick sodden bed sheets and stupidly thinking I may have had the situation under control I made my way out onto the landing. Lewis was happily playing with a dragon, Darcie happily playing with a nappy. That had previously been on her bottom. Which was now full of baby poo. Actually; strike that. Baby poo conjures up images of milky inoffensive browny smudge. Darcie eats what we eat. Her nappy was full of man poo. Actually strike the ‘full of’ comment. The wall, her hands and her hair were full of poo and there was a lovely creative brown pattern emerging on the carpets working its way towards her bedroom. In the midst of it all, a little poo stained urchin grinning, one hand grasping the nappy, the other holding up her Little Duckling Sticker Book. Lets just say it wasn’t stickers sticking the pages together...
Lewis saved the day with his ‘don’t worry mummy, we’ll get this cleared up in no time!’ statement. ‘We learnt about this at school’ he said....’we just need some of that stuff that the Egyptians used to clean up with when they didn’t have Flash’... intrigued I watch him rack his brains until he triumphantly came up with the answer ‘I’ve remembered what it is...it cleans everything....they used it on anything that needed cleaning....its called uh...oor....or..ur...thats it....urine!!!!’
Anyone got a Rug Doctor to hand?